Why leaders should talk about their failures
In the summer of 2022, I had just finished the first year of my master’s degree at Stanford when I was asked to speak to 100 of Spain's best high school students who were visiting campus. The prompt: Talk about what you do at Stanford and how you got here. Wow, what a responsibility, I thought. What would I want to hear if I were in their position? What would 16-year-old Carlota need to hear?
I was exactly that age when I received perhaps the best advice I've ever gotten: If you never try, you already have “no” for an answer. What sounds like an obvious statement gave me a completely different perspective on failure.
My journey to Stanford was far from the straight line you'd find on my résumé. Yes, it included undergrad with honors, fellowship, and admission to Stanford. Straightforward yet completely misleading. I thought about the message I would be sending if I talked only about those bullet points. I did not want the high school students to hear just what I had achieved; I wanted them to feel inspired to pursue their own dreams. So I built a different résumé – a real one. I made a list of every rejection I had ever received, because to me, those rejections were reminders that I had reached high to attempt something I wanted. And even when it didn’t work out, I grew stronger and better from trying.
What happened next was something I could never have predicted. After my talk, several professors came up to me and asked why I had chosen to share my failure résumé. My answer was simple: If I were sitting in that audience with big dreams like the ones I had at that age, I would be terrified. I would be wondering whether I was ever going to be “good enough.” But hearing that someone just a few steps ahead had also struggled, failed, and found their own way could inspire them not to give up when things don’t work out as planned.
A few months later, I received a message I will never forget. A student who had been in that room told me that the day of my talk was her very first day back at school after being hospitalized for her mental health. When she sat down to hear me speak, she could not see a future for herself and was convinced she could never pursue her dreams. But my talk shifted something in her. It made her realize that even if things aren't working right now, life can do a 180-degree turn if you just keep trying. She didn’t just return to school; she applied to study engineering, and will soon receive her degree.
That student’s story changed me as well. It reminded me of the power of talking about our failures, even if doing so requires us to be vulnerable. My advisor recently shared that as a graduate student she used to load her slides with dense technical content, not to serve her audience, but because she feared that simplicity would make her look like she didn't know enough. Seeing someone in her position, a leader I truly admire, choosing to be that honest reaffirmed my belief in the importance of talking about our challenges no matter how far we go on our journey.
As a first-year Knight-Hennessy scholar, every week I get to sit together with fellow scholars for storytelling to share the personal stories behind who we are. In a community of high achievers, what surprises me most is how safe it feels to be open in that room. The stories we tell are rarely captured on a résumé, and yet they are what connect us the most, and what will inspire us to support each other through the journey ahead.
If there is one thing I have learned — from that student in my talk, from my advisor, from the room full of scholars I get to sit with every week — it is that the stories behind our success matter just as much as the success itself. I hope that as future leaders, we all carry that same openness with us. Next time you are mentoring someone, or simply helping a friend along the way, think about your journey and the struggles that shaped you. Those experiences might be exactly what inspires someone else to take their next step.
Carlota Parés-Morlans (2025 cohort) is pursuing a PhD in computer science at Stanford School of Engineering. She aspires to develop algorithms that enable intelligent behaviors in robots, empowering them to learn and adapt autonomously from their failures.
Knight-Hennessy scholars represent a vast array of cultures, perspectives, and experiences. While we as an organization are committed to elevating their voices, the views expressed are those of the scholars, and not necessarily those of KHS.
